“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.“
Galatians 5:22-23
Do you like to be liked? Is “nice” the first word people would use to describe you? Aren’t all Christians supposed to be “nice?”
Unfortunately our desire to be liked can often interfere with our abilities to live a faithful, truthful, courageous Christian life.
I just finished reading Nice, Why We Love to Be Liked and How God Calls Us to More by Sharon Hodde Miller. I had no idea there was a difference between goodness and niceness until reading this book, but here is the problem:
“My devotion to niceness has won me a lot of acceptance and praise, but it has also inhibited my courage, fed my self-righteousness, encouraged my inauthenticity, and produced in me a flimsy goodness that easily gives way to disdain.”
-Sharon Hodde Miller, Nice
If you’re like me then you know exactly what she’s talking about. We prefer being nice over stirring up conflict. We hold back from being truthful because we don’t want to hurt feelings. We aren’t courageous with our words because we’re worried we might disturb some peace that we’ve assembled around ourselves.
Previously I wrote about the fruit of the Spirit. Because God is all of those qualities listed in Galatians 5, when we are filling up on Him, we can be those things too. Unfortunately, nice is not one of the God-like qualities of the Spirit. God is loving, kind, and good, but I would not describe Him as nice, would you?
So what does that mean for us? According to Miller, when you sow niceness above all else, you will reap fruit that is fake, rotten, bland, bitter, hard, and over processed. Those are the first chapters of her book. The last chapters, thankfully, tell you how to grow a better, stronger, tree.
If you consider yourself a nice, sweet, people-pleaser (#preachingtomyownheart), then here are some things you could learn from reading Nice.
NICENESS IS NOT THE SAME AS KINDNESS OR GOODNESS
Miller shares some research into what the word nice actually means. Nice is a shallow substitute for what you’re really feeling. Kindness and goodness overflow from us when we’ve been trusting and abiding in the Lord.
I love Miller’s example of how a Christmas tree looks pretty, but the fruit (ornaments) on it are dead, lifeless on the inside. While an apple tree produces apples because the inside of the tree is alive! This book will have you considering the condition of your heart — dead, or alive in Christ.
NICENESS DOES NOT FACE THE TRUTH
“The woman answered and said, ‘I have no husband.‘
Jesus said to her, ‘You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.‘”
John 4:17-18
Jesus confronted the Samaritan woman at the well with her sin. Niceness pretends not to see it. Which one does God call us to, niceness or truthfulness?
NICENESS IS NOT COURAGEOUS
“Then Jesus went into the temple of God and drove out all those who bought and sold in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves.“
Matthew 21:12
Do you read this passage and cringe because you know you could never turn over some tables? Niceness makes us cower in the corner instead of living courageously under God’s power. God wants us to have courage and live to please him, not to please others.
If you struggle with being a people-pleaser, then you should read this book. Miller doesn’t just diagnose the problem, but she tells us how to overcome it. Niceness is shallow, vain, and easily corruptible. But the true fruit of the Spirit will come when we abide in God, trust him with our lives and our words, and live to make Him happy.
“When we are rooted in Him, our roots hold, not because we have such a firm grip on Him but because He has such a firm grip on us.”
Nice, Why We Love to be Liked and How God Calls Us to More
Nice, Why We Love to be Liked and How God Calls Us to More comes out August 20th! If you order before then, you can receive some awesome bonuses (go to thenicebook.com).
Sharon Hodde Miller will help you diagnose some false fruit in your life, and teach you how to rely on God for the pruning and shaping of your heart in order to cultivate true fruit!
Leave a Reply