“Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.”
Romans 13:8
A few years ago, my neighbor was having a hard time. She was having respiratory issues that would not go away. Congestion, cough, fatigue—but she still had to go to work. I decided I would take her some food, to help take the burden of dinner for her family off of her shoulders.
But then came FUD. What is FUD? It’s an acronym for fear, uncertainty, and doubt. It is a practice that might be employed by a competitor to spread false information about your product. In other words, the enemy will use FUD to work against you.
Who is the enemy in this situation? It’s definitely not my neighbor! And it’s not God, because God does not give “a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). The only one who benefits from me not showing love to my actual neighbor is Satan. He wants my own FUD to keep me isolated and away, “safe” in my own comfort zone.
“You see, fear builds walls, not bridges. Fear isolates us. Fear convinces us to turn back before we step forward—to not step into the unknown. Fear keeps our front door shut and our fences high. Fear shuts others out, but also shuts us in. And it’s a lonely place indeed, here in our safely guarded spaces.”
-Twyla Franz, The Uncommon Normal,
3 Ways to Live Missionally Even When Scared
As introverts, if we want to build bridges, we will have to stop hiding behind our walls. Here are three fears that may be holding us back from showing up in love to the people around us.
FEAR OF DISCOMFORT
Americans hate being uncomfortable or awkward. When we watch TV, we love the cool characters, right? We idolize the ones that always know what to say and do, even in dangerous situations. That calm under pressure is why we love the superheroes that know the perfect, funny line to say while they’re in the middle of explosions, fighting, and high speed chases (I’m looking at you Marvel movies).
And the awkward, shy nerd who introduces himself as the wrong name? Oh, we do not want to be that guy, so we avoid situations that may put us in a place where we don’t know the exact right thing to say or do.
But being a Christian doesn’t jive with staying comfortable. Jesus was killed by being physically nailed to a cross. Moses led a large group of people for 40 years. Esther approached a king who had the power to execute her. Ruth didn’t go back home, but instead went to a new country and chose to live as a widowed foreigner. Paul was beaten and imprisoned. Stephen was stoned to death. All these people put their trust in God, even when that trust put them in great danger. Can you think of anyone, in the Bible or otherwise, who followed God AND avoided discomfort at the same time? God doesn’t command comfort, he commands humility, trust, and obedience. And if things get awkward? Just remember that comfort wasn’t the goal anyway.
FEAR OF DOING IT WRONG
“Will I taker her a meal she hates? Should I take it already cooked? What if I bring it at a bad time? Maybe just take it cold so she can cook it whenever. Will she even be home tonight? What if I go through the trouble to make a meal, then she’s not even there?”
Y’all. Please tell me I’m not the only one who turns a simple gesture of kindness into some kind of puzzle I have to figure out all on my own in my head. This is where Romans 13:8 helps me. Owe no one anything but love. I don’t owe anyone a perfect presentation of kindness. All I am responsible for is doing the act that expresses the love of God to someone. Trying to figure out the BEST way to please a particular person is just a mind trap that the enemy uses to paralyze me.
Related Links: Live Your legacy of Love Now
We are going to mess up, good humans always do. But wouldn’t you rather err on the side of showing kindness in the wrong way over doing nothing at all. Whether we realize it or not, even our inaction has consequences.
Do the brave, uncomfortable thing and maybe you’ll give someone else the courage to do something imperfectly too.
FEAR OF MISHEARING GOD
“Am I really supposed to take her some food? What if she doesn’t need my help? What if she’s confused about why I’m bringing her food?” Typing out these questions makes me feel a little ridiculous, but if I’ve thought them then surely someone else has too.
When “what if” questions plaque my mind, it’s best to focus on what I know is true. The truth in this situation is: God is love. Where His Spirit lives, there is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—and there is no law against these things (Galatians 5:22-23). I feel like that’s worth repeating: There is no law against these things. Not a law of the government and not a law of God will tell you not to be kind and good to someone. And there’s also this: “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin” (James 4:17).
When given a choice between doing the good and not doing it (because it might be awkward, uncomfortable, or you may do it wrong), choose the good. While we don’t always understand God’s plans, we’re never told to be perfect anyway. In her book You are the Girl for the Job, Daring to Believe the God Who Calls You, Jess Connolly says:
“I am 100 percent sure that you will misinterpret something about God at some point. You’ll read a Bible verse out of context or think He was pointing you in some direction that He wasn’t. But misinterpreting and willfully disobeying God are two wildly different things. More than that, the truth of our reality is that we’re held in God’s kingdom by grace—not by our flawless interpretation, perfect attendance, or impeccable obedience. We no longer live under the power of the fear of failure, so let’s say we hear God wrong and massively fall flat on our faces. So what? Has God left us? No.”
SHOW UP WITH QUIET KINDNESS
You may be wondering what I decided to do. I had to go to the grocery store, so before I left, I said to myself, “I am taking her some food tonight no matter what. I will figure it out at the store.” Then inspiration finally struck. As I was putting my baby in her carseat, I knew the answer: a gift card. Taking a gift card instead of a homemade meal felt like the easy way out. BUT it answered all of my questions (goodbye FUD), and it still showed kindness.
Many times we think our generosity has to look a certain way. Maybe it feels big and bold and causes us to shy away. But a small, simple gesture still says, “I see you struggling, and I want to help.” Just showing up is also an act of love. And the more we show up, the more we realize, being there isn’t that hard after all.
If you’d like some journaling pages to continue with these thoughts of love over fear, sign up for An Introvert’s Reflection. Every month I send out new journaling pages and you’ll receive them in your inbox!
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Featured Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash
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