Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.”
Matthew 9:35-38
Compassion is a word I’ve been hearing a lot lately. In these days of September 2020, “compassion” has been thrown about in an accusatory way: “If you had compassion, you’d [wear a mask/march for social injustice/vote for this person/put your grocery cart in its proper place]!” But I’m not here to attack you or say what you should be doing. Instead, let’s look at introverts and the role we play in compassion.
In his book Introverts in the Church, Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, Adam S. McHugh lists seven gifts of the introvert. The first one given is compassion, which surprised me because so often the focus of being compassionate is the action that follows—and introverts are known more for being in our heads than actually doing anything. Not that we’re lazy, it’s just that we may spend more time thinking and planning the thing than it actually takes to do the thing! So let’s consider how we introverts can practice compassion.
WHAT IS COMPASSION?
The definition of compassion, according to merriam-webster.com, is “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” Wikipedia describes it like this: ”Compassion motivates people to go out of their way to help the physical, mental, or emotional pains of another and themselves.” A compassionate person says, “I see you hurting and I want to help.” And then she helps.
COMPASSION IN SCRIPTURE
But [God], being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity,
And did not destroy them.
Yes, many a time He turned His anger away,
And did not stir up all His wrath;
For He remembered that they were but flesh,
A breath that passes away and does not come again.
Psalm 78:38-39
God is a god of compassion, helping the hurting, providing a home for the lost, and turning away from the unruly Israelites instead of destroying them. Several times in the New Testament we read the phrase “moved with compassion.” Compassion is an emotion you feel in your body, and it inspires you to do something. Jesus, God’s son of compassion, is described as having compassion four times in the book of Matthew, and each time after, he did something:
—He prayed (Matthew 9:36-38)
–He healed (Matthew 14:14)
–He fed (Matthew 15:32)
—He gave sight (Matthew 20:34)
COMPASSION IS OBSERVING
What makes introverts compassionate? First, introverts are observant. We notice things that may go unnoticed by someone who is more hurried. Seeing the quiet person in the corner, noticing the reaction of someone to a harsh word that was said, seeing someone fall down when everyone else is moving along.
In her book The Powerful Purpose of Introverts, Why the World Needs You to be You, Holley Gerth says this:
“We introverts are naturally more observant and in tune with what’s happening around us. This is because of our high sensitivity to external stimulation… An introvert is more likely to notice the stressed look on a friend’s face or the stack of papers on a coworker’s desk. That often leads us to ask questions. When someone answers, introverts listen well.”
COMPASSION IS LISTENING
Introverts are also good at listening. We hear what’s being said and sometimes what is not being said. Introverts like to focus on one person, so we’re more likely to hear emotional undertones in someone’s language and notice body language.
Have you ever tried talking to someone when there was a lot of noise or chatter around you? It’s hard to focus and hear the emotions behind the words. I do not enjoy group get togethers, because while I try to focus on one person, I can still hear what’s going on in other conversations, diminishing my chance to really focus and offer that person what they need. And sometimes all someone needs is to be heard.
COMPASSION IS UNDERSTANDING
We notice the emotional cues of others and are reminded of our own feelings when we’ve experienced something similar. One of the reasons we’re capable of doing this is because we spend more time in solitude, reflecting on our own feelings. Gerth lists 12 research-based benefits of solitude, and one of them is that solitude “grows your understanding and capacity for empathy.” McHugh also says solitude is the key to compassion:
“When done well, gentle introspection generates an empathetic understanding for others. The further we probe into the depths of our hearts and the light and dark that lies within, the further we can enter the inner worlds of others and receive them as friends, not enemies. Introverts, therefore, are capable of powerful compassion and are often very effective therapists and counselors.”
COMPASSION IS MOVING
We see, we listen, and we totally get it because we’ve been there before or we’re really good at empathizing. Being moved with compassion means the emotions we are feeling inspire us to do something. As we see with Jesus, that something could be a prayer. Or it might be a hug. It could just be listening. The powers of Jesus are greater than ours—while he could heal a blind man, maybe all we have to offer is a nonjudgmental posture of listening. Maybe it’s letting your friend have a good cry while you don’t try to escape, or a text message to let someone know you’re thinking about her. We can’t fix our friend’s problems but we can offer small gestures that say, “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
Compassion is a gift we introverts must lean into. If that means less group gatherings and more one-on-ones over coffee, then let’s do that. Our friends want to be heard, and we are the listeners that can do just that. You don’t have to offer advice: listen, ask questions, and be present. And when we say, “How can I help?” they may answer that we already have.
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