In January 2021, my husband tested positive for COVID. If you remember what it was like then, testing positive for COVID meant staying home for ten days—all of us. No one could go to work, school, church, or the grocery store. Thankfully, we had friends to help. As church friends found out, the offers for dinners started to come. But at first, I wasn’t sure we needed the help, because I wasn’t sick. I could still cook dinner. But some friends didn’t ask, they just brought over a gift card or a bag of goodies without my permission.
Then my two daughters tested positive, which meant we had to stay home even longer. So as friends continued to offer dinner, it was an immediate “yes!” My brain was turning to mush and “decide what’s for dinner” was a wonderful thing to remove from my to-do list as the virus worked its way through each one of us.
Saying Yes to Help is Not Easy
However, sometimes when the offers came through to help, before thinking, my fingers would quickly start typing out, “Oh, that’s so sweet of you, but we’re fine.” And then I would stop mid-text realizing we are not fine. Saying yes to help was not an easy thing—it took courage to let others jump in and carry our burden with us.
It felt indulgent to let people bring us food, even to buy us a simple item from the grocery store. But it also felt like being loved. It was during this time while eating warm taco soup made by a friend’s hands that I thought to myself, “Now I know why they call it comfort food.” It didn’t just taste good, it felt good in my soul.
I hesitate to tell all this, because I know someone is thinking about how this has not been her experience. You had COVID and no one helped, or you feel like you don’t have those kinds of friends. And this is why I write about community. So many of us are lacking what God intended for us; but also, many of us are missing what we already have because we haven’t let others close enough to see us when we’re not at our best.
Shutting Off Help is Lonely
I know this way of living, because I’ve done it. I remember a time we took our infant son to the ER in the middle of the night with a high fever. The next morning, we left the hospital and went straight to the airport so my husband could go out of town for work. The whole rest of the week, I was home alone with a sick baby, missing work, constantly checking my son’s fever, giving him meds, worrying and stressing about why my son is sick. I could not wait for my husband to come home that Friday—I could not wait for my son’s fever to go away. No meals were brought over, no one brought me coffee to perk me up, no one called to check in. And also? No one knew. I missed out on giving others the opportunity to help me. I missed out on feeling seen and loved. We had a wonderful church family, and I look back realizing that if they had known, they would have helped.
When we never let others in to know when we need help, we are shutting down pathways to connection and putting up walls instead. Saying yes to help allows vulnerable, authentic connection to happen.
We know that a solid value in the Christian life is helping others. We can point to verses in the Bible that say we should be helpers. But it’s hard to find anything that says we should be willing to ask for help. However, we can see how Jesus lived:
- He gathered people around him to help teach (Matthew 10).
- He asked people to help in his miracles (John 2:7 and Mark 6:38).
- He said, “I’m thirsty,” while on the cross (John 19:28).
- He asked his friend to take care of his mother (John 19:26-27).
Surely, Jesus could have done these things alone. And another important thing is Jesus relied on God first, and we should do the same, praying for strength, comfort, patience, or whatever it is we need to get through the trial we are facing. But almost always in my prayers to God, He points me towards other people.
Biblical Example of Receiving Help
There is more in the Bible about receiving help. One story is from Exodus. Moses’ father-in-law Jethro comes to visit, and Jethro praises God for the good things He has done for the Israelites. But then he sees Moses listening and judging disputes for hours as their one and only judge. His father-in-law tells Moses, “What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.” He gives Moses practical advice, then adds, “That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you” (Exodus 18:18, 22).
When helpers are close and observant (like Jethro), they don’t need to be asked to step in.This is what we see in the Bible, family members living together and working together. Because they know intimate details of each other’s lives, trust and respect are already there. But as for us today, isolated in our homes behind our brick walls, sturdy doors, and closed curtains, if we need help, it is up to us to ask for it.
In order to feel connected to one another, we have to be willing to be vulnerable, to be a bother, to impose, to open up and share what’s hard in our lives, even if it feels small in comparison to what others are going through. We must be willing to let others carry our burdens with us.
When Paul was writing a letter to the Corinthian church, he was encouraging them to give money to another church that didn’t have as much. He tells them to help while they can, but also that they should be willing to receive help:
“Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need” (2 Corinthians 8:13-14).
In the beginning of this post, I shared about the help my family received during a rough month of quarantine. Even though I have great friends nearby who help share burdens, I still feel loneliness creep in from time to time. I know this well worn path my brain takes me down occasionally, and because of that, I’ve learned to battle it with truth. And the truth from that Winter 2021 episode was that I wrote ten thank you cards to people that brought us something. There were even more friends that checked in and prayed for us.
I don’t know about you, but I need these reminders. Allowing others to help you is a way to remind yourself you are not alone. Inviting others into your days, whether good or messy, reminds you that you are loved. Start with God, but don’t forget the people that are in your corner. Give them the opportunity to show you how much they care for you.
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