Since January 2020, I’ve been thoughtfully (or slowly) making my way through the Old Testament. I’m currently in II Kings and I’ll admit, it gets repetitive and a little boring at times. “This king did what was evil in the sight of the Lord” over and over. But a phrase in chapter 17 of II Kings caught my eye this week. Three times I read, “They feared the Lord, but…”
It made me wonder what my “but” would be. I listed a few, then there was this one that summed it all up:
Natalie feared the Lord, but she feared people more.
If you’re like me, you worry often about what others think. You guess how a friend will react before saying anything, then decide if it’s worth saying or not. But there’s a problem with that. We’re choosing to fear people over trusting the words inside of us. What if God placed those words there? Does God want you to say those kind words? Does God desire for you, His child, to be a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?
Missed Opportunities to Speak Kindness Out Loud
How many opportunities have you missed to share God’s kindness with someone? It goes like this: You see a friend or a stranger who looks like they could use some encouragement. Maybe she’s standing alone or maybe she looks sad or stressed. But instead of offering a word of kindness, you overthink it: “What are the right words to say? What does she want to hear? Will her reaction be thankful or offended?”
As you consider all the questions, she leaves and your opportunity to share kindness is gone. You’re actually relieved she left, because now you can stop thinking to speak or not to speak. But that, my friend, was a missed opportunity to spread love and kindness, ultimately an opportunity to share God’s love.
Kindness is a fruit of God’s Spirit, meaning where kindness is spoken, God is near. So what holds us back from bearing the fruit of God’s Spirit?
Fear and Pride Keep Us Silent
We fear rejection. We fear doing it wrong. We worry we’ll offend. What if the timing is wrong or the recipient is embarrassed? Whatever the fear, when we’re considering a person’s reaction, our fear is misplaced. We should have fear, but not of a person—our fear is of God.
Our fears are often a symptom of pridefulness. Our fears are focused on how it makes us look—“What if I say the wrong thing and look like an idiot?” Our lack of humility puts the focus on serving ourselves and not on serving God and His people.
It takes humility to obey the Spirit, to trust that’s God’s way is better than our way. Humility knows that God deserves the glory. Humility looks out instead of in, serving others over self.
Peacemakers Speak Kindness
When I imagine peace and harmony, I imagine everyone in the world in one giant circle, holding hands. Unfortunately, some are outside of the circle and in order to bring them in, someone has to let go. It takes risk when you’re already part of the circle to let go and welcome someone else in. If everyone was together in the circle, we would have shalom, un-fractured wholeness.
However, just because you accept the risk and offer your hand doesn’t mean, the recipient will accept your offering of peace. If she pushes your hand aside, choosing not to accept it, she is still outside of the circle, but it is by her own choice.
To withhold the good you know you should do is to make the choice for the other person. You are leaving them out of the circle by your will, not theirs and not God’s.
When we hesitate to speak kind words, we are leaving ourselves and others in isolation. Peacemakers bring hands together and make connections.
Look to Jesus
In everything, Jesus is our example. With gentleness as his posture, the words he spoke weren’t always nice, but they were always in loving kindness. Peace with God, for himself and others, was his motive.
In order for us to have peace with God, we speak the kind words He places in our hearts. To help others have peace with God, we open our hands and invite them into the circle.
Jesus was rejected and killed because of his love for weary hearts. He offered love and compassion, but not everyone wanted it. He knew that to create peace—bringing hands of enemies together and reconciling us to God—that there would be conflict, blood shed even.
Speaking Kindness is for the Glory of God and the Good of Others
When you draw from the wisdom of God and speak kind words as your offering, you are glorifying God and encouraging another with love. To hold back kindness is covering up your light and choosing not to fulfill God’s law of love.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:16
Do not owe anyone anything, except to love one another, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
Romans 13:8
As a creative, I’m taught to follow the inspiration, trust the process, and let go of expectations for success. The joy is in doing the work, not any accolades that may come later.
When speaking kind words, we need to release any expectations we have on the recipient’s reaction. The joy is in serving another with our words, not the praise we could receive afterwards. All glory goes to God.
Even if we’re wrong, let’s choose courage, peace, and connection over fear, hesitation, and isolation. Let’s speak our kindness out loud.
“Let’s not just think about how the Lord is good. Let’s say it out loud. Let’s remind each other that he is our dwelling place, that we have been given a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. Let’s tell our children how smart they are. Let’s speak love and support to our friends. Let’s look at our spouses and thank them for all their good intentions. Let’s be believers not only in our minds and in our hearts, but with our words.” -Emily P Freeman, The Next Right Thing Podcast, Episode 122
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I really resonated this with line: “To withhold the good you know you should do is to make the choice for the other person. You are leaving them out of the circle by your will, not theirs and not God’s.” We so often do not even give people the choice, do we?
We think we’re doing the nice thing by leaving them alone, but I’ve been convicted that I need to see things from a different perspective!