Surviving Social Distancing, For the Introverted Mom Who Needs Her Space

But now, O Lord, you are our Father;
    we are the clay, and you are our potter;
    we are all the work of your hand.
Isaiah 64:8

Introverts and social distancing go together like coffee and a rich dessert. They complement each other, making them better together. Nowhere to go, no one to see, sounds like an introverted mom’s dream. Or so you would think.

What happens when an introverted mom is stuck safe with her family all day, with no means of escape? The spouse doesn’t go to work, the kids don’t go to school, and the introvert’s safe haven of quiet is almost non-existent. Now, that coffee and dessert combo is more like cold coffee and stale cake—disappointing.

Not that we don’t love our families, but introverts must still take care of themselves and find places to retreat even in our own homes. Here are some tips to remember when social distancing as an introverted mom.

1. TRUST GOD

God made you to be a calming influence on your family—a thinker, a listener, a steady presence. He knows what He’s doing, and the Creator that made the moon and the stars also made you! You have gifts to offer your family, so don’t think for a minute that your family would rather have an extroverted momma.

Your unique gifts are for your unique family. Pray that God will show you how to thrive (or just be present) during this time of social distancing. But don’t dwell on it all day. Once you have an idea, do it. It’s harder for introverts to get out of our heads than extroverts. Act on your intuition about what would be good for you and your family right now, and get moving!

2. MAKE QUIET TIME MANDATORY

Alone time is essential for introverts to recharge. During this COVID-19 social distancing, finding time to yourself may be even more difficult than normal. But make it the same time of day, every day, and your kids and spouse will know that it’s mommy’s quiet time. Eventually.

When my oldest child was trying to avoid taking naps, he would say he didn’t one, because he wasn’t tired. My response was, “Well, I need one. This is mommy’s rest time.” If your children are not taking naps or they’re not old enough to play quietly by themselves, your alone time may be in the morning before everyone else is awake, or at night after the kid’s bedtime.

Know how much alone time you need, and use that time wisely. Use your alone time for reflection, a time to consider your thoughts, or creativity, a time to do something with those thoughts. Do something that actually makes you feel energized (exercising, praying, reading, creating, journaling), and avoid what drains you (watching the news, perusing social media, worrying, reliving past events in your mind). Know what fills your bucket, then do more of that. The list below can give you some ideas to try.

A great idea is to have your own place you can go to during these times. Going to the same room, chair, desk, table or even having a basket of your favorite things can help your brain know it’s time to recharge, developing a habit.

3. QUIT THE GUILT

Even with knowing your personality and how important it is for you to have time to yourself, you can still feel guilty for actually taking time to be alone. Guilt for saying no to a family activity, guilt that your family will feel like you don’t want to be around them, guilt that you’re not taking advantage of all the extra time you have to be present with your children while you’re “safer at home.”

But know this:

“Quiet is a must for an introverted mom. Our kids cannot flourish in our homes if we constantly live on the edge of our God-given personalities. We are all connected within these walls. That means we must do whatever we can to recharge on a daily basis. We can lament this fact or view it as a gift. Regardless, it is a necessity, and if we neglect it, every person in our home will pay the price. By taking care of ourselves, we can care for others well. This, after all, is what we most long to do.”

-Jamie C. Martin, Introverted Mom, Your Guide to More Clam, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy, p. 31

Take some guilt-free time away from your family—in another room counts—and come back reenergized to be a better mom.

4. REACH OUT TO SOMEONE

Even though as introverts we like to keep our feelings inside and process them on our own, it helps to share and name our feelings with others. You can share with your spouse, a close friend, or a group of friends. Just making your negative feelings known can be a step in moving on from them, knowing that you have been heard and possibly that others feel the same way. Suffering alone is a great way for feelings to sit and fester, causing you to explode later, letting your feelings out in an uncontrolled way that you would rather not happen.

After you’ve expressed your emotions with a friend or family member, return the favor. Ask her how she is doing.

5. ACCEPT THAT THESE ARE NOT PERFECT TIMES

Sometimes, no matter how much solitude you enjoy or how many naps you take, you will still feel tired. These are those times. We can enjoy the moments with our family, love the extra time at home, and hope for good outcomes, but the future is still an unknown we can’t solve for.

Turn off the news, stop scrolling through Facebook, and open your Bible—I have to tell myself this everyday. Go outside, look up at the sky, and say a prayer. Exercise while listening to some music that uplifts your spirits. Because focusing on the outside world brings fear, focus on God instead. Remember God and His good grace.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18, NLT

SELF-CARE IDEAS FOR THE INTROVERTED MOM

Here are ten self-care ideas just to get you started, followed by some recommended reading and watching. If you need more ideas, plus some reflection questions from the blog post, click here to sign up for the Introverted Mom’s Self-Care Guide.

• Go outside and listen to worship music while stretching and deep breathing or exercising
• Write encouraging messages with sidewalk chalk
• Try handlettering
• Send snail mail. I love these postcards. And these.
• Read outside
• Find ways to spend one on one time with each child
• Write your negative feelings down and then throw the paper away
• Re-read a favorite book
• Download the Longwalks app
• Paraphrase a passage from the Bible (like Psalm 23)
  
  

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES FOR THE INTROVERTED MOM

• Read: 10 Ways to Feel Like a Better Mom in Less than 10 Minutes
• Read: Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy by Jamie C Martin (Amazon affiliate link)
• Watch: TED talk with Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
• Reflect: Quiet Journal: Discover Your Secret Strengths and Unleash Your Inner Power by Susan Cain (Amazon affiliate link)
• Reflect: Download the Longwalks app
• Read: Why Finding Time for Yourself May Be the Most Selfless Thing You Do All Day by Andrea Wolloff
  
  

If you’re struggling to maintain peace and calm in your day, sign up to receive 50 Self-Care Ideas for the Introvert plus reflection questions, book recommendations, and Bible verses. Click here to receive your guide!

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