I have a problem. I get stuck in my head overthinking the simplest things, like where to start cleaning the house or what to make for dinner. There are times when my mind is moving in such a round and round state that my body doesn’t know what to do. It can happen when I have a long to-do list because all the tasks seem important that I don’t know where to start.
It often happens when I want to reach out to someone. It could be a friend I know needs encouragement or a stranger who looks like she’s struggling or a family member who is sick. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve struggled with choosing the “right” way to connect.
So while I’m overthinking the best way to connect with or encourage someone, eventually the moment passes and I’ve done nothing. Have you done this too? Then you feel more regret over what you didn’t do than you would’ve felt if you had just done something—anything.
Here are some things I am learning: I would rather live in love than in fear. I can choose to please God over worrying about upsetting someone. I want to live a life of action over inaction. And I must intentionally choose connection over isolation.
What Stops You from Showing Up?
There are some feelings that stop me from living this way—the fear of doing it wrong, the urge to please people, and the instinct to avoid conflict. Following these feelings, I’ve learned, result in inaction and loneliness.
When we, as daughters of God, choose not to act in love and kindness, our friends suffer. Our neighbors suffer. And we suffer. When we don’t show up the way God intended for us to live, not only does it hurt those around us, we also feel unseen, unknown, and unloved.
How can you and I choose to move from loneliness to connection? The first step is the hardest, but after that it becomes a little easier to reach out and connect, one small action at a time. Here are some ideas that have helped me and can help you also.
Live in Love Not In Fear
In Romans 13:8, the writer encourages Christians to “owe no one anything except to love one another.” The only thing you owe the world, your neighbor, friends, family, and any others on your path is love. You don’t owe them your doubt and worry about whether they’ll like what you’ve done or not.
If you’re fearful of doing the wrong thing, remember God made us all with different talents, different feelings and instincts, and different experiences. How I choose to reach out and help someone may be different than how you choose to do it. And that’s a good thing, right? Trust the mind and the instincts that God has given you. He has equipped you to make good choices.
If it’s helpful, you can use the fruit of the spirit as your guide. If what you want to do comes from a place of love, joy, peace, patience…then go and do, my friend. God is with you.
Choose Action Over Inaction
I’m in a writing group called Hope*writers. I believe it was Emily P. Freeman who offered us the advice, “You can’t think your way out of being stuck—you must move.” Even if it is only one step, it counts as movement.
If you are stuck in feeling lonely, the only way to get out of that rut is to move. I’ve been there, and I know how hard it is to decide which way to go. But God gifts His people with wisdom. You can ask Him for guidance. You can pray for confidence, courage, and a lit path.
Sitting in fear requires no action on your part—letting loneliness and isolation grow effortlessly. Love takes intention, effort and risk. Showing up in love is a risk worth taking.
Live to Please God before People
I am guilty of putting my love for people above my love for God. Not intentionally, but it’s easier to serve those right in front of you that you can actually see. But we must love God first. Our love for God does not diminish our love for others, it only makes it grow.
The doubts and worries that pop in your head when you want to help someone are focused on the wrong place. They’re focused on what the person wants and not what God wants. You can definitely ask your friend if she wants your help. But don’t stay stuck trying to figure out what to do or if you should do something.
The truth is the more focused I am on serving God, the more confidence I have to just go and do, without second guessing my own intuition.
What is Your One Step?
What is one step you can take today to move from loneliness to connection? Where can you show up in love instead of holding back out of fear? Where can you focus on living for God instead of living to please people? How can you move today to draw closer to God first and then to others? If you have no idea, here is a prayer to guide you.
Dear Father, Thank you for the wisdom you give us, guiding and helping us as we walk in this world. Help us to use that wisdom to find our people. Lead us to those we can help and to those who can be a help to us. Thank you for giving us your spirit of love and the freedom to do good. Show us the ways you want us to serve. Help us to build community and connection right where we are. And give us the reminders we need to know that we are never alone. Your presence is our shield and refuge, our defense against whatever trials we face. Give us the courage to move, show us the way you want us to go. Through your son we pray, Amen.
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