If you believe the tv shows and the movies, and even your own family traditions, the holidays are meant to be a time of connection, a great coming together with joy and hope and food. At the time I’m writing this, we are six days away from Thanksgiving, but it feels like we’ve been celebrating Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas for a month now (shall we call it Hallowgivingsmas?). This time of year from Halloween until New Year’s Day is all about meals with families, gatherings with friends, baking with your kids, and gifts to everyone you love. A dream for someone seeking connection, right?
The irony in all of this is that my to-do list during this time of year becomes so long, that it’s really hard to actually enjoy this time of so much everything. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way. Here is a screenshot I took from Instagram to give myself and friends a laugh throughout the season. As a mom of three children, ages 7, 13, and 14, our life without the holidays consists of driving from one activity to another. The normal daily activities do not stop just because it’s holiday time.
So instead of life slowing down so we can enjoy these festive moments together, life just gets busier.
And just so you know, I am not a type A overachiever. I do not do a lot of extra for the holidays. Our decorations consist of a tree that my children mostly decorate themselves, because it’s their tree and I’m not going to stress out about how it looks. Even as someone who isn’t inclined to put a lot on the calendar, because I don’t enjoy rushing from one activity to the next, I still find myself overwhelmed with too much to do this time of year.
And here is the problem: With so much stuff to do, things to make, and gifts to wrap, we forget to slow down and love one another. We forget to be love to one another, as God is love to the world, and Jesus was love to those he met along his way.
We never see Jesus with a to-do list.
We don’t see him frazzled as he moves from one task to the other. Jesus walked, he did not sprint from one person to the next. He did not even do mass healings, where he could have just healed everyone in his presence with a snap of his fingers. His love was patient, his healing was personal.
In Mark 5:24-24 we read about a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years. When she reached out and touched the hem of Jesus’s robe, she was immediately healed. Jesus could have just kept on walking—she was already healed. He could’ve mentally marked that off of his list of healings to do that day. But he didn’t keep walking, instead he paused. He stopped to encourage this woman and bless her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”
He stopped to make a connection.
In an article on Ann Voskamp’s website, John Mark Comer states,
“Hurry and love are oil and water; they simply do not mix.”
When I’m hurried, patience is lost.
When I’m rushed, my temper is too quick for kindness.
When I’m overwhelmed with busy, I forget to enjoy what I’m doing.
When I can’t slow down, I can’t show love.
When we’re too busy to slow down and connect, we start to feel lonely. We feel scattered and unappreciated, unseen and alone. Then we question why we do any of the things we’re doing.
Unfortunately, we can’t just stop being busy, because life doesn’t stop around the holidays. But we can set our intentions ahead of time. We can make time for connection even if it’s just in the small in between moments—time to make eye contact, time to say hello, time for a hug and some encouragement.
There are three important points of connection to help us in our loneliness—connection with God, connection with ourselves, and connection with others.
Connection with God
The greatest thing I can do when loneliness creeps in, is connecting with my Creator. When I read Scripture, I see God’s love and comfort for His people. I see the peace that comes with shifting my focus from earthly, temporary matters to those with eternal significance. Taking time to connect with God influences the way I see myself and others.
Even when I feel like I’m too busy to make time for Bible study or prayer or reading a devotional, doing them anyway makes me feel grounded, gives me peace, and reminds me of my purpose. And that purpose is not to run around and shop and wrap and give like a machine. That purpose is be a loving presence wherever I go.
Connection with Ourselves
Another important connection point is to connect with ourselves. We must pay attention to what’s living in our heart, what thoughts are swirling in our mind, and how our body feels. Am I feeling resentful today? Am I extra tired? Am I feeling scattered? What can I do to take care of myself so that I’m better equipped to connect with others?
Perhaps I should say/journal a prayer to God about my resentful feelings. Maybe I should take 10 minutes to read (or something else enjoyable and relaxing). Or maybe I need to take the time to make a list of all the tasks going round and round in my mind to get them out of my head and onto paper. Recognizing my own limitations allows me to rely on God more readily, while knowing my gifts allows me to use those gifts in gratitude towards God.
Connection with Others
Connection with others feels more purposeful and less forced when I’ve taken time to consider who God says I am and how I best feel equipped to connect with others. Through God, I find encouragement and purpose that is best used in my connections with friends and neighbors—connection with others becomes a natural outpouring of the gifts I receive from Him.
30 Prompts for Connection
It may feel like a big task, to find opportunities for connection during all that you have going on right now. But we mustn’t let connection slide even during busy times. That’s why I have created a free download that you can print out and use to be intentional about connecting with God, yourself, and others in this holiday season. But it’s not a BINGO card with a prize for marking off all the spaces.
My hope is not that you’ll feel like you have 30 more things on your to-do list. My encouragement to you is if you find yourself feeling lonely, use these prompts to spark your own ideas. I want you to connect in ways that feel meaningful to you.
Maybe you are in a different stage of life than I am right now, and you are not the busy one. Perhaps you’re in a season where you feel lonely because you have less to do and less people near you. You can still use these as ideas to connect.
Connection is not about doing more, going to more parties, making more baked goods, buying more gifts. It’s about slowing down and noticing—slowing down enough to listen, love, share, bond, and connect.
For the free download, click this link and sign up. You’ll receive the download immediately and you’ll be subscribed to my weekly-ish email newsletter, “Drawing Near.” On Fridays, I send an email with encouragement for you to connect with God, yourself, and others. You can unsubscribe anytime the letter is no longer serving you.
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