How Loneliness Fades When You Go Where God is Leading You
Loneliness is hard to define. Many other feelings are often wrapped up in that one word. For example, at the most lonely times of my life, I wasn’t alone or isolated. I wouldn’t have said I was lonely, because I was surrounded by people. But I did feel small and invisible. I even remember telling someone I felt unwelcome and unneeded. I’ve come to define loneliness as this: We feel lonely when there is a gap between the connection we crave and the connection we receive.
Do you feel that gap in your life right now? Many times our loneliness is unexplainable—we just know something is missing. Sometimes what’s missing is a sense of purpose.
I know that purpose can be a loaded word. Some people would say we put too much emphasis on gifts, purpose, meaning, or calling. Not everything we do comes with some deep meaning attached to it. Sometimes we’re just doing the next thing that’s right in front of us, and that’s awesome too. But what if you’re in a transition in your life where no opportunities are being presented to you; what if you’ve always just followed what everyone else is doing (the good things) and now you don’t have that group of people to follow anymore; what if you’re in a new place and no one knows you well enough to ask you to join in; what if you’re not confident enough to just step in without being asked?
Finding Purpose in Loneliness
In that season of loneliness I mentioned above, I wasn’t reading books about loneliness. I was reading books about personality and purpose. I drew closer to God, learned a lot about myself, and the itch to write words to share with others grew more and more. Writing was something I had enjoyed in the past, but had not done in a while.
Writing is an activity I must do in isolation (or semi-isolation, in a coffee shop as I am now). Creating consistently means saying no to social gatherings and volunteer opportunities and turning off my phone. But the funny thing is, when I am writing, I never feel alone. That is because I feel a sense of purpose and satisfaction when I am writing.
There is research that supports the idea. In this article, the authors state: “Across 36 cohorts that ranged in age from 18 to 109, there was clear evidence for a relation between sense of purpose in life and loneliness: Individuals who perceived more purpose in their lives felt less lonely.”
This could be because often living according to your purpose involves working together with others in your family, your church, your place of employment, a hospital, a school, or some other place where you are serving others or with others. But also, fulfilling a purpose in your life, using your gifts—even in isolation—allows you to receive satisfaction from within that doesn’t require as much connection with others for fulfillment.
Greater Purpose = Greater Connection
The research confirms what I’ve experienced in my own life: Identifying your purpose changes the way you connect. When you already know who you are and what you can do, you look less to others for purpose and validation. You’ve already received it from God.
Easing the ache of loneliness doesn’t start with more socializing and gathering. It starts with looking to God, looking inward, and then looking out. In looking to God we acknowledge our identity (Who am I?). When we look inward we can identify our gifts, our talents, and the things we enjoy doing (What do I have to offer?). And going outward we share what God has given us with others (Who can I share this with?).
Recently, I read the first chapter of Jeremiah, where God tells Jeremiah what He wants him to do. He “calls” him or gives him a purpose. Here are some things I noticed about living out our Godly purpose, some encouragement and some warning:
1. Your purpose comes from God.
The word of the Lord came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:4-5
Before Jeremiah was even being formed in the womb, God already knew him. God chose Jeremiah and selected him to be His prophet. God also has chosen you to be a member of His body, and He has given you gifts to use for His glory.
2. Your excuses won’t change who you are.
“Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Jeremiah 1:6-7
Jeremiah replies to his calling with information that maybe he thought was new to God—his age. God is truly aware of your shortcomings. And yet, he wants you to partner with Him anyway.
3. God is with you.
“Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord. Jeremiah 1:8
We can sum up God’s encouragement—not just here, but many times in the Bible—as, “Do not fear. I am here.” He does not build us up as though we are infallible or perfect. He reminds us who He is, and that He is there always. That doesn’t mean the job will be easy. Jeremiah was thrown into a cistern and asked God why in the world he picked him to do this.
God doesn’t promise that His path is all roses and sunshine. But He promises to rescue us and walk through the dark with us.
4. God will help you.
Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth.” Jeremiah 1:9
God has an answer for Jeremiah’s excuses. “Just open your mouth and My words will come out.” This is the step that takes prayer and trust. Pray for your daily bread, trust that God will answer, and then do the next right thing. Dependence on God’s guidance is a daily practice if we want to be led by His Spirit.
5. You are here to please God, not man.
“Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land—against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord. Jeremiah 1:17-19
God says: “Get ready. Embolden yourself. Do not be intimidated. I am the one who will strengthen you. Do not fear man, fear me.” I encourage you to prepare for bumps in the road. Expect others to not understand what you’re doing. That is the beauty of following God—you don’t need anyone else’s approval to live out your plan for glorifying God. God will lead you in ways that He will not lead others, and vice versa.
Your Purpose Glorifies God
Eric Liddell was an Olympic runner and missionary who is quoted as saying, “When I run, I feel His pleasure.” It doesn’t make sense to me that running glorifies God. But I do not have that ability—I can run, but not fast or gracefully. However, when I write, when I finish a blog post like this one, I understand what Liddell means. I enjoy the satisfaction of a job done, and I feel the good pleasure of partnering with God.
Living out your purpose helps ease loneliness because you feel connected to God, yourself, and possibly others. You will feel grateful for His help in completing the task. Joy will overflow as you know you are doing exactly what God made you to do. Maybe you feel like this when you teach preschoolers or teenagers, help a patient through a hard diagnosis, serve dinner to a crowd, visit someone at a nursing home, or make art.
Without purpose, we feel lost and unworthy. We see everyone else doing good and wonder why we can’t do it like them, not recognizing that they have their own gifts and we have ours.
If you struggle to know your purpose, I recommend getting quiet with God. Spend some time reading His word, praying, journaling, or taking a quiet walk. Ask God to lead you in your search for purpose and connection. Practice drawing near to God so He can draw near to you (James 4:8).
Consider Esther, living a royal life on a lonely throne. She may have had servants who were friends, but she was cut off from the people that knew her true identity—fellow Jews and her guardian, Mordecai. She couldn’t even share her Jewish faith with her spouse, the king. But when she found a purpose—when she considered that God put her in the palace so He could use her for the good of His people—her life changed. She was no longer alone in the palace. Now she joined a community that practiced grief and fasting together. Even better, that sorrow turned into a communal celebration, a celebration still practiced by Jews today.
So I ask you, “What if you are here for such a time as this?” What talents has God given you and how might He be inviting you to use them? How will these gifts help you feel less lonely—by deepening your connection with God, yourself, others, or all three?
May you lean into God and find rest, identity, and purpose. I hope you feel the unshakeable connection to Love Himself. On your good days and bad days, God still wants to partner with you to share His goodness and kindness with your friends, family, neighbors, community and the world. It’s easy to feel small and invisible in such a large place, as I still do from time to time. And yet, let us remember that each of us has been entrusted with God-given gifts, and may we accept the courage to share them with love.
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