In my latest blog post, “Embrace Seasons of Solitude“, I explained why we can embrace seasons in our lives where we must retreat, but I didn’t spend much time on the how. So today I would like to answer how we can embrace solitude and find connection even in seasons of retreat.
Solitude and loneliness are not the same thing. Solitude is good for the soul, creating a quiet space for learning, growing, and deepening our roots. However, loneliness is painful, making us feel invisible and forgotten. In loneliness we say, “I’m alone because no one cares about me.” But in solitude we can say, “I’m alone and I’m still loved.”
Before I go further, let me offer some grace. If you are in a season of grief, sickness, or transition that is consuming all of your energy, you are not required to do these things to make the most of your solitude. There are no rules that say you must use your solitude productively. I mention these things as suggestions to keep you from feeling disconnected from your community even during your retreat from your community.
And another thing, if you feel yourself sinking further into loneliness and despair, please reach out to a counselor or therapist. Get the help you need, and do not suffer alone.
The Purpose of Solitude
Solitude is when we can put down our roots, growing downward, preparing our minds, bodies, and souls for the fruit that’s coming. Just like Jesus spent 40 days alone in the wilderness, alone with God—he emerged ready to work.
Maybe you’re an introvert who is in a season of grief or transition, and you’ve enjoyed the quiet for a little while, but now it feels isolating and you don’t know how to get out of it. Maybe you’re an extrovert with a new diagnosis and you’re stuck at home way more than you’d like.
While in solitude, we can begin to feel lonely. Even if you enjoyed it for a little while, isolation begins to weigh heavy as you feel forgotten or disconnected from what’s going on with your friends and family.
So how can we make the most of our seasons in solitude? What can we do with our time that will prepare us for the fruit-bearing season that’s coming? Instead of defaulting to binge watching new shows and endlessly scrolling on social media (which we can handle in short doses), consider these three ways to find connection:
1. Connect with God
2. Connect with Yourself
3. Connect with Others
If you are a subscriber to my Drawing Near newsletter, you see this framework every week where I share quotes and inspiration for each of these three categories. The more I read about loneliness, the more I see the same advice from other writers: Feeling connected and loved is not just about spending time with others. We must also create meaningful connection with our God and ourselves.
Here are some ideas for creating connection.
Connect with God
Solitude is a wonderful time to deepen your connection with God. Here are some ways to do that:
- Reading Scripture
- Prayer journaling
- Meditating on Scripture
- Listening to praise music
- Going outside and enjoying creation
- Sharing things with God you’ve never told anyone
Pro tip: Find a Bible study that you can read with a community. For example, She Reads Truth offers studies with many options for engagement. You can buy their study book and use the space for writing and processing what you’re reading. Or you can read the daily plan on their website or app where you can also leave comments and read the comments of others. They also have a weekly podcast where they discuss the reading for that week. Reading Scripture even with an online community is helpful, especially when you’re starting a new habit.
Connect with Yourself
Solitude is also a great time to discover your gifts and your purpose, away from the demands of others. Here are some ideas for self-discovery:
- Read nonfiction
- Read fiction
- Journal
- Find a podcast that encourages you
- Get creative (paint, draw, bake, craft, collage)
- Name something you haven’t done in a long time that you used to enjoy—and then do it.
Pro tip: Use a guided journal with prompts to help you discover what’s hiding beneath the surface. One I’m currently using is Stuff I’d Only Tell God: A Guided Journal of Courageous Honesty, Obsessive Truth-Telling, and Beautifully Ruthless Self-Discovery by Jennifer Dukes Lee. It’s over 200 pages of prompts, both fun and deep.
Connect with Others
The last rhythm in staying connected is to connect with others. This may be tricky considering you find yourself in solitude right now. However, there are still ways to stay connected if you’re stuck at home, if you have less time to connect, or if you just don’t have the energy. Small moments still matter.
- Send a text
- Call someone
- Send a card
- Make a meal for someone.
Pro tip: You can combine these ideas from different categories to get even more out of your connections. Here are some examples: Take a walk while you listen to worship music; ride your bike while you listen to a devotional podcast; get crafty and create a card that you’ll send to someone; make some soup and share it with a friend; text someone a Bible verse you read that day; read a nonfiction book that moves you closer to God; create something from a Bible passage that inspires you, like the digital collage I made inspired by Psalm 23.
Consider the Birds
You are worthy, no matter the season you are in.
You are valuable, no matter how unproductive you feel right now.
You are seen, even when you feel alone.
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Matthew 6:26 NIV
Solitude can be a good thing, but it can turn sour when we start to feel abandoned. Keep your face towards God and let Him lead your path towards connection and community.
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