Quiet.
That was the word I saw over and over again as I flipped through the cards. What was meant to be an encouraging activity among a group of women turned into a little gray cloud that hung over my head for days. It was just one word, but it felt like my whole identity had been defined by a word that made me feel invisible.
I read a similar story on the website Introvert, Dear and the writer there had the same negative reaction. If you’ve been told “you’re too quiet” before, then perhaps you have felt the same way. No one wants to be “too anything“—even “too good” sounds like an insult. When you are asked, “Why are you so quiet,” it’s never in an admiring tone; it’s always with a hint of disdain as if they are saying, “What is wrong with you?”
WHAT’S WRONG WITH QUIET?
The American culture idolizes superstars, those that like being on a stage. And life in America is fast paced—if you wan to think and reflect, you’ll be pushed to the side as the world rushes to solve the next problem. In her book, Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Susan Cain describes the Extrovert Ideal:
“The Extrovert Ideal has been documented in many studies, though this research has never been grouped under a single name. Talkative people, for example, are rated as smarter, better-looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones. The same dynamics apply in groups, where research shows that the voluble ones are considered smarter than the reticent—even though there’s zero correlation between the gift of gab and good ideas.”
If you’re an introvert, and you feel like you don’t belong, it’s not just your imagination. We live in a culture that doesn’t embrace quiet (although there are some cultures where the quiet ones are considered the wise ones). Quiet people are often told to “speak up” or “quit being so shy” as if you can just magically come up with words to say.
Our churches are not exempt from this problem. Adam S. McHugh has a book titled Introverts in the Church, Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture. Because he is an introvert, he knows the feelings of not measuring up to extroverted church members. McHugh says on a podcast, “It’s a feeling that somehow I’m inadequate spiritually. That my faith isn’t as strong and that if my faith were stronger then I would be more like that person.”
God made each one in His image, the fast talkers and the reflective thinkers. Each one is loved and created with the purpose to glorify God. Each one does it differently and one way is not better than the other.
EMBRACING QUIET
There’s a story in the Bible about a time when Jesus said that choosing to sit and listen was better than being in motion. Read these verses from Luke 10:38-41:
38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” 41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”
There wasn’t anything wrong with what Martha was doing—there are many things that need to be done, especially when you have guests in your home. But sometimes it’s best to rest and listen to the Lord before letting busyness take over. Our to do list often takes priority over our sit and listen list, but there must be room for both.
Being quiet means you are able to hear better—hearing others and hearing God. I have three children, and when they are all talking, I hear none of them. Quiet is necessary to hear clearly from those around you, to truly listen. And quieting other voices—and noises—around you allows you to pay attention to God’s voice.
YOUR PERSONALITY
Introverts are more sensitive to external stimuli than extroverts, and research shows that we are this way from as young as four-months-old. This high reactivity in the brains of introverts is what makes us more fearful and hesitant with faced with new situations.
However, our personalities are not good excuses to ignore God. Moses tried to do that, but God assured Moses (over and over again) that He was with him. God didn’t try to convince Moses that he was in fact a great speaker, but He reminded Moses of who was in control. God told him, “I will be with you.” Plus, he offered Moses some help by his brother Aaron, who happened to be a great speaker.
Instead of fleeing from new situations, we can lean on God and lean on others. Introverts actually like to do work on their own, but there is nothing wrong with asking for help from a more outgoing friend. And we give God all the prayers, because when we are weak, He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10).
“Your personality is no accident. In fact, you already have every trait you need to be the best unique mother for your unique kids. You may feel torn from your true self, though, because you’re living in a nonstop, go-go-go society, one that constantly shouts that louder and bigger matter more.”
–Jamie C Martin, Introverted Mom,
Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy
A SACRED GIFT
God made you to be you, and He doesn’t make mistakes. Have you ever looked at a sunset and thought, “It would be so much prettier if it looked like the moon?” When God looks at you, He sees His beloved child. Just as you see beauty and purpose in the ocean, the butterfly, and the bumblebee, God sees beauty and purpose in you! No one here is perfect, but you can still be used for God’s glory. Even if you are quiet.
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Photo by Haley Powers on Unsplash
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