The book of James holds great wisdom concerning the tongue, such as be slow to speak and have control over your tongue, do not let your words cause you to stumble and do not criticize one another. With a tongue that can set a forest ablaze, it may seem easier to just keep quiet.
But as fearful as we can be over the reactions to our words, we should also consider the consequences of our silence. James doesn’t tell us to just be quiet, he also warns us about knowing the right thing to do and not doing it:
It is sin to know the good and yet not do it.
James 4:17
I’m not talking about just blurting out any thought you have—I’m urging you to speak your kind thoughts out loud. If you’re holding back kind words out of fear, insecurity, and avoiding conflict, then here are some thoughts on the other side of that coin. What if you say nothing?
If you’re like me and you often consider the weight of your words before you speak them, let’s also consider the weight of silence.
1. Regret
When you’re a hesitater, cautious, you will have more regret over what you didn’t say than what you did say. You leave situations knowing you should have said “great job” or “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
Let’s not miss opportunities to share kindness and encouragement. Instead of thinking you will regret trying to encourage someone, remember that you are more likely to regret not encouraging someone.
It is the things I have left undone which haunt me far more than the things which I have done.
—Madeleine L’Engle, Walking on Water, Reflections on Faith and Art
2. You Miss Out on God’s Purpose in Your Life
There was a time I struggled with knowing God’s purpose for my life. But with the help of daily Bible reading and learning about myself, I’m now more aware of my particular gifts. And one of those is writing. I know this because almost every time I’m writing a blog post, I receive some kind of confirmation that I’m on the right path. I make mistakes and every word I write is not God-breathed, but I wouldn’t be receiving those little “God nudges” if I wasn’t actively walking out God’s purpose for me.
Kindness is a part of every Christian’s purpose. You won’t feel the blessing that it is to partner with the Lord unless you are actually partnering with Him. Don’t underestimate the power of a kind word.
“Does it serve others and bring glory to God? Then it doesn’t matter how small or mundane it seems. You know what won’t change the world? Abstaining from the simple, small, life-giving things you were meant to do because you believe they’re too simple or too small. That doesn’t change the world at all.”
—Jess Connolly, You are the Girl for the Job, Daring to Believe the God Who Calls You
3. Missed Connections
Let’s face it, most people in the US are suffering thorough loneliness—and that was before the separation and isolation of social distancing to prevent the spread of COVID-19. To stay silent when you have kind words to speak only exacerbates the problem.
The solution to the disconnection of loneliness is found in connection. Offering encouragement to someone helps them to feel seen and known, maybe even loved. God wants us making connections, loving and serving others. Our silence keeps us, and others, isolated.
“What if I Get It Wrong?”
As an imperfect human, you will make mistakes. You may misread a situation and offer encouragement to someone who does’t need it. Have you done any harm though? However, when fear holds you back from showing up as yourself, that is an even bigger mistake.
When God says “do not fear” he does not say “because you will never make a mistake.” His presence is what calms the fear: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 46:10).
God is with you even when you mishear the Spirit and mess it all up. In our relationships with others, fear keeps us from sharing with authenticity and vulnerability, stunting the growth of the relationship. Love—love for God and His people—compels you to show up fully as the person God made you to be with quirks, mistakes, and all. Let love be your motivation, not fear.
I would rather err trying to obey God than play it safe and quench His Spirit.
—Beth Moore, Audacious
Fulfill Your Purpose
What is your purpose? God wants His people, each one, to shine like lights. Where are you shining? How do those around you know you love the Lord? Speaking with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are all ways to shine with the light of God’s love.
Jesus was a rebel, a rebel for love and grace and light. Those things stand out from the selfish greediness of darkness. Be a kindness rebel. Let your voice be known as one of empathy and understanding.
A Prayer
Dear God, Our Father in Heaven, Help us to know You and your love so that we may be beacons of light and love to those you have placed on our paths. Give us courage to speak kindness. Allow us to feel your presence that will spur us on to good works and good words. Give us the right words to say so that we may say them and not hold back in fear. Press us to speak now so that there is peace. Show us your way Lord, that we may walk in it. Thank you for Jesus, our example and our advocate. Amen.
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