Books for Introverts: On Friendship and Connection

Welcome to the series, Books for Introverts! At least once a month, I’ll share with you a book that will encourage authentic connection with God, yourself, and/or others. These book choices will encourage you in at least one of the following areas: resting in God’s love for you, learning more about your inner world, moving with quiet confidence as you live to please God, or showing up for those around you in healthy ways for friendship and connection. Too see all Books for Introverts recommendations, click this link.

Welcome to the fourth edition of Books for Introverts! Today you will find three books on friendship and connection, one is from a Christian perspective, one is not, and one is a Bible study.

These books are not just for introverts, but I feel strongly enough that introverts need these books that I put them in the category of books for introverts. Introverts have a hard time with friendship and connection because we keep so many of our words in our head, missing the opportunities for vulnerability and connection.

So many women feel alone, even with thousands of Facebook/Instagram friends. By connecting online we sacrifice depth in our friendships for breadth, we go wide in our pool of friends without going deep. Then we’re left feeling unknown, unseen, and lonely.

If you value more vulnerable connection in your friendships, these books will be a great starting place. But they’re just that—a start. Rather than waiting for someone to notice you and invite you into her life, I challenge you to be brave enough to go first. True connection in friendship takes courage and audacity.

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Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely by Lysa TerKeurst

Uninvited is not just a book about friendship, but about relationship. It’s about the most important relationship—your relationship with God. Lysa bravely shares stories of when she felt rejected, less than, and lonely. You will see yourself in these stories and you’ll gain encouragement to bravely live loved.

When you know you’re loved by God and His love is filling all the holes in your life, then you won’t be grasping at others for their love and attention, waiting in the dark corner of the room for someone to notice you and invite you in. Lysa helps you speak truth to yourself with biblical encouragement, wisdom, and practical application that will help you to know that you are loved by a good God no matter how rejected and unworthy you feel.

Amazon Description: “In Uninvited, Lysa shares her own deeply personal experiences of rejection from the perceived judgment of the perfectly toned woman one elliptical over to the incredibly painful childhood abandonment by her father. She leans in to honestly examine the roots of rejection, as well as rejection’s ability to poison relationships from the inside out, including our relationship with God.”

“The more fully we invite God in, the less we will feel uninvited by others.”
–Lysa TerKeurst

Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.: 10 Questions to Take Your Friendships to the Next Level by Laura Tremaine

After reading this book, I’ve become a huge fan of Laura Tremaine. She encourages women to be themselves without fear of what others think, and she practices what she preaches. In order to live our best lives, we have to know ourselves and know the things we like. More importantly we need to know our own stories.

In Share Your Stuff, Laura asks ten questions. In each chapter, she explains why it’s an important question, she shares her answers to the question, then she encourages you to tell your story, whether in private or with friends. Considering these questions allows us to share more of ourselves with others. My favorite questions are: Who are you? Who was there? Who taught you how to be? And where are your magical moments?

There are also lists between the chapters, such as 10 Weird Things I’ve Done, 10 Things I’ve Learned from My Big Sister, 10 Pieces of Unsolicited Advice, and 10 Books that Shaped My Worldview. Share Your Stuff is a memoir that has you ready to share your memoir!

Laura is an amazing storyteller who encourages you to be open so that you can find connection and friendship without sacrificing who you are.

Amazon Description: “In spite of the hyper-connected culture we live in today, women still feel shamed for oversharing and being publicly vulnerable. And no matter how many friends we seem to have, many of us are still desperately lonely. Laura Tremaine says it’s time for something better. Openness and vulnerability are the foundation for human growth and healthy relationships, and it all starts when we share our stuff, the nitty-gritty daily details about ourselves with others. Laura has led the way in her personal life with her popular blog and podcast, and now with lighthearted self-awareness, a sensitivity to the important things in life, and compelling storytelling, Laura gives you the tools to build and deepen the conversations happening in your life.”

“I have been lost and lonely, anxiety-ridden, bored, and needy, and sharing those feelings with a friend has almost always made me feel more human and less crazy. I have been full of joy, on top of the world, and bursting with happiness, and sharing it with someone I love has almost always enhanced the moment. When I try to shut down my feelings—the good and the bad—that’s when I feel isolated. That when I swirl with self-doubt. So I don’t shut down so much anymore. I’ve learned that sharing our stuff is the key to connection and consciousness.”
–Laura Tremaine

We Saved You a Seat – Bible Study Book: Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships by Lisa-Jo Baker

We Saved You a Seat is a great book for a group Bible study. There are videos and discussion questions that lend itself to sharing with others. This book examines friendship through the lens of Christ: what kind of friend was Christ? He was humble, interruptible, service-minded, and authentic. Lisa-Jo and her friends in the videos help us to know how can we be more like Christ in our friendships.

Amazon Description: “In today’s busy world, we’re wired to appear “fine,” warding off authenticity and shielding ourselves from judgment. We hide behind the hum of busyness to escape intimate friendships with the women God has placed in our lives. But we do want a seat at the table. We yearn for authentic relationships and the opportunity to be the opposite of “fine” with people who cheer for us. But comparison, envy, and entitlement often stop us from pulling out a chair at the table. Friendship can be hard, making new friends even harder, and maintaining genuine friendship the hardest of all. In this 7-session Bible study, Lisa-Jo Baker and friends from (in)courage explore our relationship with Jesus as the ultimate model for authentic friendship. Nothing shapes us like the impact of a friend—it’s how Jesus radically and intimately connects with us. So instead of chasing perfection, overcome your fear of being known and find the courage to connect.”

“Women aren’t hungry for perfection; they’re hungry for connection.”
–Lisa-Jo Baker

Amazon links for these books (not affiliate links):

Uninvited
Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.
We Saved You a Seat

Have you read any of these books? What other books have you read that you would recommend for introverts? I’d love to hear about them in the comments.

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