On the road to deeper relationships, what if conflict is not a detour off the path but is the actual way to your destination? This is the question I ponder as I read through these Bible verses about conflict. As someone who enjoys quiet, calm, drama-free friendships, some of these verses feel “easy.” But the ones about going to tell your neighbor who has sinned against you—those are hard. I suspect it’s the opposite for others (some prefer to speak their mind even if it does stir up conflict).
When we look at Jesus, we learn about the balance between directness and gentleness and the nuance of niceness vs kindness. He was not afraid to speak the truth, but he did it so gently. He was loving and kind, but not in a way that hid the truth under a facade of politeness. He sat at more tables than he flipped.
Here are 20+ Bible passages about how to handle conflict. Hold onto the ones that feel hard, pray about them, meditate on them. Ask God to show you the steps towards resolving conflict and healing divides. Ask Him to show you the way towards true peace.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Colossians 3:12-14
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Colossians 4:6
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
James 1:19-20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
Proverbs 17:14
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam;
so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,
but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 16:28
A perverse person stirs up conflict,
and a gossip separates close friends.
Psalm 34:12-14
Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from telling lies.
Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Matthew 5:7-9
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Hebrews 12:14-15
Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Ephesians 4:26-27
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Luke 17:3
So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.
Matthew 18:15-17 15
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
Matthew 5:23-24
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
Proverbs 19:18
Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
James 3:13-18
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
I Peter 3:8-9
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
Proverbs 15:17
Better a small serving of vegetables with love
than a fattened calf with hatred.
I Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
When love is our motivation, we know when to bring grace to the table and when to confront. Let’s talk to God every step of the way, following His guidance. May His desire for peace and wholeness be our shared purpose.
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