Choose What Leads to Lasting Joy and Connection

How Moving Towards What’s Hard Can Make You More Fulfilled

Last year, I went for my annual physical and received some not-so-good results. My blood pressure was high, right along with my blood sugar and cholesterol. And my iron and vitamin D were both low. Knowing that this is normal for most Americans brings little comfort. Changes would need to be made if I wanted to live a healthy life.

I took some small steps towards better health. I started ordering meals from a grocery delivery service. They picked the meals for me, I could change them if I didn’t like the suggestions, then they sent me all the ingredients I needed for a week of meals. This resulted in smaller portion sizes and healthier sides that helped me to lose a few pounds right away.

The problem was every night at the table, someone complained. My children didn’t appreciate the salmon and broccoli on their plates. Changing the meals they are used to meant I had to hear groans about how they missed their delicious mashed potatoes. I explained how healthier meals are good for all of us, yet the grumbling persisted.

Healthy eating in my house means I have to listen to complaints about our new meals. This is hard. But so are the long-term consequences of not eating healthy, like diabetes and obesity. I must choose the hard thing I’m willing to endure—groans at the dinner table that are short-lived or low quality of health that lasts for decades.

Which do you think is the wiser choice? Do you have decisions like this to make, where you must endure something hard either way you choose?

Another change that needed to be made was adding exercise to my daily routine, and I hate exercise. I would much rather sit with a book or my computer to read, write, or design. Or scroll on my phone, but let’s not go there. We had a membership at the Y, so it seemed like a good place to start. I even had a friend who attended some classes there which meant I didn’t have to go alone. But I had so many questions about the workout classes. My anxiety was keeping me from going. It took some time, but my friend patiently answered my questions, and I started with a yoga class.

Facing anxiety and trying new things is hard, but so is having a body that is stiff and non-stretchy. Would I rather face the discomfort and inconvenience of going to a workout class or deal with back pain for the rest of my life?

Maybe you’ve seen the memes on the Internet that say, “Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.” Then you can see where I’m going with this.

Trying new healthier meals is hard, but so is a life of obesity and the conditions that come with it.
Adding exercise to your daily routine is hard, but so is feeling out of shape and out of breath.
Saying no to the large piece of chocolate cake and choosing the small sliver instead? So hard! But living a life with the consequences of diabetes is much harder.

And this doesn’t just apply to our physical bodies.

Making time to be creative is hard. Not releasing creative energy is also hard.
Putting yourself out there and applying for jobs is hard. Not having income or staying stuck at a job that isn’t good for you is even worse.
Making a big change is hard. Period.

In February, I joined a year long pre-diabetic coaching program. We meet through Zoom with the same group of people each time. Our coach offers us accountability and encouragement. As we commiserate together the confusing task of reading labels in the grocery store, she says, “If you want to change your circumstances, you must do things you’ve never done.”

Let’s take this wisdom I’ve learned from adding new diet and exercise routines to my life and apply it to our social lives.

Reaching out to someone new is hard, but feeling lonely is harder. Showing up to an event where you don’t know anyone, starting a new group, joining a group, facing possible rejection, making small talk with someone you don’t know, offering an invitation, introducing yourself to new people—these are all hard things.

Feeling lonely and disconnected, small and invisible, unwelcome and unloved—these are so much harder. We must choose our hard. For us to choose the hard things we’re willing to face in our lives, we can look past the temporary discomfort and see the long term satisfaction that lies ahead.

By calming my nerves and attending group exercise classes, I’ve learned that I actually love group exercise classes. Not only do I love the yoga class, but I’ve branched out and gone to other workout classes way outside of my comfort zone. And I didn’t die. The discomfort of trying something new was temporary, the satisfaction of working out, moving my body, stretching my muscles and overcoming anxiety will continue as long as I continue to make exercise a priority.

You know where I’m going with this: The beauty of a life shared with others far exceeds the temporary discomfort of taking the first step.

It’s not just the temporary discomfort we should challenge, but the short-lived comfort we experience when we avoid the hard thing.

For example, the long-term satisfaction of putting on some tennis shoes and dancing to the beat with a group of fun ladies exceeds the short-term comfort of sitting at home playing Royal Match on my phone. The long-term satisfaction of eating healthy meals so that I one day enjoy spending time with possible grandkids far outweighs the short term joy of indulging in sugary iced coffees too many times per week.

By weighing the short term and long term effects of decisions we face, we can choose the hard thing we’re willing to tackle. This means naming what is important to you, and then moving towards it. Inertia will not drift you into a more fulfilled, satisfied life.

Let’s look at some Scripture:

Read Proverbs 13:4 from the Amplified Bible: “The soul (appetite) of the lazy person craves and gets nothing [for lethargy overcomes ambition], But the soul (appetite) of the diligent [who works willingly] is rich and abundantly supplied.”

If we are not willing to try new things and step out of our comfort zones, we will continue to crave the more fulfilling things, like physical health and social health. But we won’t get them by staying comfortable and avoiding change.

Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” In this chapter of the Bible, the writer is sharing about God disciplining His children. I don’t believe healthy exercise and diet are part of God’s discipline! But the idea is the same. A thing that feels painful in the moment can be for your long-term benefit.

Will you choose to face temporary discomfort so that you may enjoy future fulfillment?

Last week, I went back to the doctor for my annual physical. I had good results! My weight, A1C, and cholesterol all decreased. And here’s the thing: I didn’t make sweeping life-altering changes like completely cutting out sugar or working out to the point of exhaustion everyday. I made small changes like keeping an eye on portion size, joining a coaching group, choosing less carbs and more protein, and drinking more water. These small changes gave me results, even when I still have room to grow.

The same goes for your social health. You don’t need to make plans to socialize every single day of your week. You don’t need to join every book club that you see. Small changes can still yield results. Call one friend. Send one text. Join one group. Go to one event per month or week, whatever is an increase for you.

And give yourself grace. We should not force ourselves to always choose the hard option for our long term satisfaction. I still sometimes choose iced coffee over water. I occasionally stay home over showing up to gather with others.

There are days when the temporary comfort is necessary.

But be mindful if you’re always allowing inertia to make decisions for you. If you’re consistently choosing temporary comfort over hard growth, you may need to seek help. Talking to a counselor may be necessary for you to live a more enjoyable, satisfying life.

I’d like to close with a blessing for when you need courage to face the hard things…

You are a beloved child of God,
given the courage of the Lord
to face whatever comes your way.

You carry within you the fruit of
patience and gentleness,
so be kind to yourself
as you test anxieties
to see which ones hold true and
which ones fall away at your touch.

May you learn to choose
light discomfort over slothfulness,
diligence over inertia.

Give your heart and mind a willing spirit
and your body will follow.
May you imagine your future self
and see the baby steps it will take to get there.

Lord willing, you will recognize your ability
to choose for yourself whom you will serve,
the idol of fear and anxiety
or the God of love and freedom.
I pray you have the courage to show up
and do hard things,
because you are worth it.

If you’re stuck feeling lonely and need ideas for what small steps to take, download the Loneliness Guide below! Its Biblical wisdom and practical steps will be a thoughtful guide for your path into connection and community. You can also subscribe to Drawing Near, an email you’ll receive on Fridays with encouragement for connecting with God, yourself, and others to ease the ache of loneliness.